This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
