He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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