Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
