I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
