I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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