It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
