I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
