I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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