C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
