I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
