i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
