I just pynch a tree in the face
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
