You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
