I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
