If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
