the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
