When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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