im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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