8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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