So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
