ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
