I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
