is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
