Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
