Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
