he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i now understand why vodka
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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