she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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