dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
