Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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