i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize