So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
