fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
