i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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