You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
