Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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