Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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