I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
