So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
