i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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