I want to make a zoo with you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
