yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
