Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
