I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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