Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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