i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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