He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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