Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
