You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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