Ambien. No doubt about it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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