Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
