does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
