I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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