May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
