Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
