Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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